White Fat Guy History 2012!

Today is April 1st, the first day of White Fat Guy History Month!  And as always we begin our celebration with an egg and onion sandwich and a discussion about St. Thomas Aquinas.  So go make an egg and onion sandwich  for yourself while I finish typing the  following story about St. Thomas Aquinas:

St. Thomas was a good friend and trusted advisor to King Louis IX of France. One day St. Tom was summoned to Paris and on the  way there a fellow traveler  said upon seeing  Paris: ” What a grand place some great man must rule it.” To which Aquinas replied ” I would rather have that manuscript by John Chrysostom I haven’t read yet.” Many contemporary philosophers agree that a good book is better than Paris, especially when it comes to smell.    Later at dinner, St. Thomas sat silently for most of the meal staring into space, then he suddenly bashes his fist on the table and says “And that settles the Manichaeans!” To clarify, The Manichaeans were a cult that Aquinas frequently debated that believed that  believed that goodness could be attained by strict discipline: avoiding evil things like  owning property, sexual desire and eating meat. To this day you may order dessert in any Parisian cafe  by shouting that phrase (citation needed.)

King Lois: "How do you know that that settles the Manichees?" Aquinas: " A little Birdy told me"

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Classic WFGH April 1, 2009

Editor’s Note: 2009 was a different time, a better time, people on Facebook were posting random 25 things about themselves, and when they were not on Facebook they were watching The Hills on MTV.  So lets take a look back in time back when history was awesome.

White Fat Guy History Month!
“Because anyone can be a part of a minority if they just put their mind to it” 

April 1, 2009

St. Thomas Aquinas!
Philosopher, Theologian, Monk, Incredibly Fat.

Over the past few years, I have written much about good old St. Tom and how he achieved greatness without the modern conveniences of sandwiches or root beer. This year i would like to bring your attention to another modern day luxury that St. Tom managed to survive without.

Facebook!

That is right, St Thomas was never poked lovingly by a distant friend, never spent the day reading the 25’s of people he never met, He was never asked to play mafia wars or be a werewolf. Yet! In spite of this, he was able to prove the existence of God and become the foremost authority of Aristotelian philosophy. To honor this great man, we at WFGHM have taken the liberty of writing a facebook note for St. Thomas.

25 random things*
by St.Tom
Rules: Once you are tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag. You have to tag the person that tagged you

1. These facts are not really random as everything is the effect of some cause.
2. There must have been one primal cause an unmoved mover that started the series of cause an effect.
3. This unmoved mover is God, duh.
4. I ♥ Aristotle
5. I am a Dominican Monk!
6. My family wishes I was Benedictine, so they paid a prostitute to sneak into my room so i would break my vows.
7. I chased the whore away with a flaming stick!
8. Omg! I luve the Hills!! It is by far the best show on MTV for like ever! I wish I wish Lauren’s fashon line would come out sooner, like now.
9. I was called the “dumb ox” by my bff’s from colleges
10. I ain’t ‘tarded, I am just really fat and don’t talk much.
11. I was cannonized in 1323.
12.I was given the title Doctor of the Church by the Pope in 1567, (in your face Luke!, omg… jk 😉 )
13. Though I love Aristotle, I disagree with him and other modern Aristotileans in their assertion of an eternal earth that has always been. I have gotten a bad reputation with other philosophers and the leadership of the Catholic Church because of my assertion of a relatively young earth.
14. I died in my niece’s house, on the second floor.
15. i was so large at the time it took 6 burly men to carry me down the stairs.
16. i am single, but sorry grrls i am not looking.
17. I am Italian!
18. I wish I was a dragon, so I could fly and breathe fire.
19. I ♥ Jesus
20. I don’t know when my birthday is 😦
21. My Saints Day is Jauary 28th , send gifts! 🙂
22. I never finished my life’s work.
23. I got sick and depressed and tired of writing then my main man Gregory X wanted me  to come over and bring nachos. Never really got back into writing after that.
24. I am by far the coolest St. Thomas, A’ Beckett is a jerk.
25. My favorite color is yellow.

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April 1, 2011 St. Thomas Aquinas

Today, White Fat Guy History honors St. Thomas Aquinas. For those who have been fans over the past few years you may have noticed that we always honored St. Thomas Aquinas on April 1st.  The reason for this is that White Fat Guy History began in an attempt to prove that St. Tom was a White Fat Guy and the rest of the history month grew off this debate.  You are, most likely thinking, to yourself: “St. Tom, a fat guy? Of course, he is! It is as plain on the third chin on his face on all paintings of him.” You would be right, as always, please don’t rub it in, that is rude.

It is fitting that we debate the obvious in St. Tommy’s memory. For St. Tom spent his entire life proving the obvious: things have causes, God exists, people have minds.  His most famous biographer, and fellow White Fat Guy, G. K. Chesterton  did a good job summing up St. Thomas philosophy:

...the philosophy of St. Thomas stands founded on the universal common conviction that eggs are eggs. The Hegelian may say that an egg is really a hen, because it is a part of an endless process of Becoming; the Berkelian may hold that poached eggs only exist as a dream exists, since it is quite as easy to call the dream the cause of the eggs as the eggs the cause of the dream; the Pragmatist may believe that we get the best out of scrambled eggs by forgetting that they ever were eggs, and only remembering the scramble. But no pupil of St. Thomas needs to addle his brains in order adequately to addle his eggs; to put his head at any peculiar angle in looking at eggs, or squinting at eggs, or winking the other eye in order to see a new simplification of eggs. The Thomist stands in the broad daylight of the brotherhood of men, in their common consciousness that eggs are not hens or dreams or mere practical assumptions; but things attested by the Authority of the Senses, which is from God. St. Thomas Aquinas, pg. 147.

I would like to add that, Thomists also believe that eggs are best served with fried onions on toast.

For more on St. Thomas Aquinas and the obvious consider reading Summa Theologica, Chesterton’s Biography or wikipedia. But since you are like me, and do not want to invest all that time in reading, look in the older posts of this blog and find the recipe for an egg and onion sandwich and make one, now there is a good use of one’s afternoon.

Be prepared, always carry a plate on your shoulder, you never know who will be handing out sandwiches.

 

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St. Thomas Aquinas Sandwiches

The Saint Thomas Aquinas (Egg and Onion Sandwich) 

Ingredients:
2 Eggs (if you get larger eggs it yields a more substantial sandwich)

1 Slice of Sharp Provolone (or preferred cheese)

2 Slices of American Bacon

1/2 Fresh Cooking Onion

Brown Mustard, and/ or hot sauce

2 Slices of Rye Bread
Salt and Pepper to taste 

In a frying pan cook two piece of bacon, save the grease and discard the bacon however you see fit. Chop up the onion, beat the eggs in a bowl ( if desired, or just fry them). Put the two slices of bread in the toaster. In 1/2 of the Bacon greased frying pan fry the eggs in the other half fry the onion. Put one of the pieces of toast with the slice of cheese in the microwave until the cheese melts, slather the other with mustard. Place fried eggs on the cheesed bread,(add the bacon if you haven\’t eaten it yet) add salt and pepper then the onion, top with the bemustarded piece of toast ( to hold the onions in place). Enjoy!

If you are talented and good at cleaning up after your self you can replace the slice of cheese with two slices of cheese,  but I would toast the bread in the frying pan making a kind of open face grilled cheese sandwich.  This does help resolve the main problem of Toasty Aquinases which is keeping the caramelized onion in the sandwiches. It also add much needed bacon flavor to the bread.

Alternatively, If you are a filthy hippie you can place the whole thing in a pita pocket instead. I would melt the cheese over the eggs when you cook them  then move to a bowl  chop it up then jam it in the pita.

I would not recommend the Luther Vandross version of this sandwich (as i would most other sandwiches), but pleasant results have been obtained with cinnamon bread (omit the mustard).

Garlic bread  is amazing.

I am aware Aquinas predates the innovation of the sandwich by 500 years, but I am certain that if he were alive today this would be his favorite dish.

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April 1, 2010 : Saint Thomas Aquinas

Saint Thomas Aquinas

Philosopher, Theologian, Monk, Author, Fat guy.

St. Tom was the greatest philosopher ever.  Recently, smaller, less educated people are all big fans of Betrand Russell claiming he is better than St. Tom. But if you lay out the fact next to fact it is really quite evident that St. Tom wins.

Battle 1: Honorifics

Thomas Aquinas is a Saint. Russell was a Nobel laureate.   You have to die to be a Saint, you have to have your book translated into Norwegian to win a Nobel Prize in Literature. Advantage Tom!

Battle 2. Books: St. Tom wrote Suma Theologica. Rusell wrote   History of Western Philosophy and Its Connection with Political and Social Circumstances from the Earliest Times to the Present Day. Snappier title advantage Tom!

Battle 3. Diet. If egg and onion sandwiches existed in the dark ages  St.  Tom would eaten 5 a day with an ice-cold root beer. Russell lived in a modern utopia where egg an onion sandwiches abounded yet he ate them rarely, and probably didn’t even like Root beer. Advantage Tom!

Battle 4. Pascal’s wager. St. Thomas was a monk and proved the existence of God. Russell was Welsh and denied the existence of God.  St. Thomas Aquinas is probably in Heaven trying to persuade the “unmoved mover” to keep Hills on the air, and Russell is definitely not. Advantage Tom!

Battle 5. Nicknames.  St. Tom was called “The Ox” by his friends and rivals. Russell is known by pretty much every one as “Ol’ Pencil-necked Bertie”. Advantage The OX!

Battle 6.  Legacy. Russell died of the flu and the next day they published his last formal statement speaking out against Zionism. St. Tom got became very ill after an unfortunate donkey ride and died, the next day it took 6 strong men to carry his giant body down the stairs. Advantage Tom!

Obviously, St. Thomas Aquinas was a much better philosopher than Ol’ Pencil-necked Bertie.

To celebrate him enjoy an egg and onion sandwich.

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