One of the main problems in this world is that fictional characters are not real. I have often said to my self, “This looks like a job for Superman!” but then become saddened as I remember that Superman does not exist, that his powers will not solve my problems, there is really no hope for my situation at all. If only fictional characters could be realities, if we can only take a well written character and make them real. Today we celebrate a White Fat Guy who did just that!.
Rudolf Wanderone Jr!
Pool Hustler
In 1961, the great Paul Newman film The Hustler was released. In the film, Newman’s character was trying to beat the greatest pool player in the world Minnesota Fats played by white fat guy Jackie Gleason. Wanderone, who was going by the name New York Fats at the time, saw his chance to make our collective dreams into reality. From that moment onward he was Minnesota Fats, and began touring, hustling pool, and publishing books. The world, desperately needing that fiction to be made flesh, were more that willing to accept that he was Minnesota Fats. Wanderone was elected to the Billiard Hall of Fame in 1984.
If fictional characters can become real, maybe someday there will be a Superman. But, until then those dishes are going to keep piling up in the sink.
A group for anyone who appreciates the achievements of White Fat Guys!
White Fat Guy History Month!
April 27!
David Crosby!
This rock and roll hall of fame members was in great bands such as Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, Crosby and Tennille and The Byrds. While presently still on tour he finds time to raise a family with his wife Melissa Etheridge.
To celebrate: teach your children white fat guy history well.
Today we honor Meat Loaf! The greatest Rocker ever!
Fact 1! Bat out of Hell is the largest selling Album in Britain Ever!
Fact 2! He has had 17 concussions, take that Steve Young!
Fact 3! He once guest starred on the television show Nash Bridges.
That is right, Meat Loaf is amazing.
So in honor of Meat Loaf, head to your nearest Wilson Farms and buy a box of Stouffer’s meatloaf, then go home and legally download the album Bat Out of Hell. Put your meatloaf in the oven. Play the album repeatedly until this becomes the happiest day of your life, by this time your meatloaf should be done.
My habit on Sundays between morning and evening church services is to go to Borders and read books and periodicals I am unwilling (unable) to purchase. My time at Borders is always a delight because whenever I go there people assume things about me. A good portion of people looking for books assume I work there. Baristas assume that I need whipped cream on every beverage I order. Today a fellow patron assumed I would be a great guy to share a conversation on Dungeons and Dragons. I did try my best not to disappoint but I have never played “D&D”, fortunately, I do have a wealth of knowledge in many other fine points of nerdery.
As the conversation progressed, he began to inform me about an event affectionately referred to as Gen-Con. At this convention, there is Larping, D&D, Magic the Gathering and other games. This stranger attended one and met many famous people from the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy. He was surprised at how pleasant the actors were, particularly Kenny Baker and Sean Astin. But one actor stood head and shoulders above the rest, he was pleasant,talked to everyone and went out of his way to make sure everyone got his autograph, none other than the great John Rhys-Davies.
This was a fortunate turn for conversation, as a student of White Fat Guy History I have followed Rhys-Davies’ career for years, and had a great deal of input on the subject. Fifteen minutes later the stranger left, and it dawned on me… Why haven’t I honored Rhys-Davies for WFGHM? So today, inspired by the strange man that talked to me in Borders we celebrate:
John Rhys-Davies!
Actor
His career speaks for itself, here are the highlights:
Gimli and Treebeard in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Sallah in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (note he was only in the good Indiana Jones Movies).
The voice of Thor in early 90’s Marvel cartoons.
Murdoch in Anaconda 3.
Prof. Maximilian Arturo on Sliders.
General Pushkin in The Living Daylights ( the only good James Bond movie starring Timothy Dalton)
3 episodes of Murder She Wrote (only the good ones)
Viscount Mabry in The Princess Diaries 2
Mordecai in One Night With the King
Merick in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Why is Rhys-Davies such a nice man? Well, evidently he doesn’t say no to things. Notwithstanding, he is a very versatile and talented actor and a credit to the Welsh race.
And to the stranger at Borders, Thank you and may your twelve-sided die always roll serendipitously.
The term eighth wonder of the world has been used to describe many things: the Grand Canyon, the mountain city of Machu Piccu, The Terracotta Army of Xian, The Great Wall of China, The Taj Mahal, The Empire State Building and King Kong. But, we here at White Fat Guy History apply that title only to Andre the Giant. “What makes Andre so wondrous?” you ask forgetting you need to suspend disbelief when entering the blogosphere. The answer is obvious, his acting ability.
Point 1. Wrestlemania III, Andre the Giant was actually good friends with Hulk Hogan.
Point 2. The Princess Bride: Andre could not lift anything over 5lbs at the time yet he is catching princesses and throwing rocks (through through the power of acting.)
Every time Bono does an advertisement for Preparation H, people mock and say, “Man ,what a sell out”. As if it somehow it degrades the medium. Well, I agree it does, but not the medium of Irish Rock music, it cheapens the time honored tradition of commercial pitchmen, like today’s honoree.
Michael Vale!
“It is time to make the doughnuts!”
As an Actor, his dreams came true when he got to perform with Laurence Oliver in Marathon Man, and as a man his dreams came true when he got a steady job as Fred the Baker for Dunkin Donuts and was able to pay to put his kids through school. He acted in hundreds of commercials. So without, further ado: youtube links!
If you have been following WFGH for sometime or have been following my personal exploits for sometime you may be wondering, “What is this fascination with egg and onion sandwiches, where did that begin?” And if you weren’t wondering I am going to tell you anyway.
Before I became fascinated with WFGH, I devoted many hours to watching movies, especially old black and white classics. Love of Frank Capra movies, led me to Jimmy Stewart movies which led of course to 1950’s Harvey. Jimmy Stewart plays Elwood P. Dowd, an affable drunk who has a friend, Harvey, a white rabbit 6’3 1/2″ tall. This friendship causes conflict with his sister Vita and niece Myrtle Mae who conspire to have him sent to an insane asylum. Then a movie happens, they get confused in the hospital Vita is accidentally committed and Elwood is allowed to go free. After they realize their mistake, an orderly named Wilson, played by Jesse White, is sent to find Elwood, he stops by the Dowd household where he meets Myrtle Mae who soon becomes smitten with him and the following exchange happens:
Wilson: I’ll tell you something, Myrt.
Myrtle Mae: Yeah?
Wilson: You not only got a nice build, but you got something else too.
Myrtle Mae: Really? What?
Wilson: You got the screwiest uncle that ever stuck his puss inside our nuthouse.
Myrtle Mae: Would you like a cup of coffee?
Wilson: I can’t, kid. Dr. Chumley is checking all the police stations. I better catch up with him.
Myrtle Mae: You look awfully hungry. How about a sandwich?
Wilson: Yeah, but I don’t want that crazy dame on my neck.
Myrtle Mae: Don’t worry about Mother. She won’t come down. She’s too frightened. Would you like a ham on rye?
Wilson: How about an egg and onion?
Myrtle Mae: I’d love to make you one. The eggs and onions are waiting in the kitchen. Suppose we go in the kitchen. You can relax and be yourself.
Do you like your work?
Wilson: Oh, I do now, Myrtle! I do now!
This scene struck a chord me for two reasons. One, I am fairly certain sandwiches are my love language. Two, at the time, I had no idea what an egg and onion sandwich was, and upon careful study I found out, and was delighted. Later, I was trying to prove to my Philosophy of Religion class that St. Thomas Aquinas was fat by using lies and hyperbole (which is the best way to win an argument) I needed to think of a fattening food for St. Tom to regularly eat in sets of nine, and the first thing to come to my head was, my new friend, the egg and onion sandwich. Thus, history was made.
So today we are celebrating:
Jesse White
Actor, Egg and Onion Sandwich Evangelist, Loneliest Man in Town.
Jesse White, like many great white fat actors, was never a leading man but had many great supporting or character roles to his credit. His break through role was as Wilson in Harvey. He went on to be a successful television actor, in fact the first to be a regular on two television series simultaneously (The Danny Thomas Show and Private Secretary) the only other being Richard (not Dean) Anderson (Bionic woman and the Six million Dollar Man) . White was in two episodes of the Twilight Zone, in one he was a Clarence-style guardian angel “helping” a young Carol Burnett. He acted as Don Knott’s foil in The Reluctant Astronaut, this led him to become the Maytag repairman (1968-1989). He lent his voice to Stan Freberg Presents The United States Of America, Vol. 1, The Early Years (which I use as template for my studies in history.) His last role was in an episode of Seinfeld, the one where Jerry buys his dad a Cadillac.
To Celebrate WFGHM today, make another egg and onion sandwich and watch the movie Harvey, or fix your washing machine.
Whatcha thinking about Mr. White? I dunno, Maytag stuff i guess.
Yesterday we discussed the quiddity of eggs, today we are celebrating someone horrified of eggs. That is right , the “Master of Suspense” Alfred Hitchcock suffered from ovophobia. He once said:
I’m frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes . . . have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly, red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I’ve never tasted it. (Imdb.com)
Hitchcock directed some of the greatest movies: Rear Window, Psycho, The 39 Steps, Strangers on a Train,North By Northwest, Birds, To Catch a Thief and Vertigo to name a few. His heroes are normal people in extreme situations, and his most frightening scenes were in commonplace situations. He was very much ahead of his time with his female characters: often stronger and more intelligent then their male counterparts. He also threw live birds and Melanie Griffiths’ mother and the first director to put a flushing toilet in a film.
Bosley is well known for his role as the father on Happy Days. He went on to be the ineffective sheriff on Murder She Wrote, then played the titular crime solving priest in the Father Dowling Mysteries which was originally going to be based on The Father Brown Mysteries by (white fat guy) G.K. Chesterton but that was too sophisticated and expensive for ABC. He is also famous for his voice work often playing expressive fatherly figures. Tom Bosley also likes money, so he will sell you Glad Bags, Spam, Ant traps or “specialty merchandise”. While TV Land or Nick at Nite has stopped playing Happy Days, and the PAX network has stopped playing Father Dowling but you can still watch him in his Infomercials at 4 am on FOX.
Hearst is responsible for two of the greatest movies of all time.
Citizen Kane is based on his life.
West Side Story: Hearst stirred up public opinion and drove America into the Spanish American War. America won the war making Puerto Rico a territory of the United States thus making The Sharks US citizens allowing them to freely move to New York and fight The Jets.
He also killed a guy.
Famous Quotes:
“News is something somebody doesn’t want printed; all else is advertising.”
White Fat Guy History 