White Fat Guy History 2012!

Today is April 1st, the first day of White Fat Guy History Month!  And as always we begin our celebration with an egg and onion sandwich and a discussion about St. Thomas Aquinas.  So go make an egg and onion sandwich  for yourself while I finish typing the  following story about St. Thomas Aquinas:

St. Thomas was a good friend and trusted advisor to King Louis IX of France. One day St. Tom was summoned to Paris and on the  way there a fellow traveler  said upon seeing  Paris: ” What a grand place some great man must rule it.” To which Aquinas replied ” I would rather have that manuscript by John Chrysostom I haven’t read yet.” Many contemporary philosophers agree that a good book is better than Paris, especially when it comes to smell.    Later at dinner, St. Thomas sat silently for most of the meal staring into space, then he suddenly bashes his fist on the table and says “And that settles the Manichaeans!” To clarify, The Manichaeans were a cult that Aquinas frequently debated that believed that  believed that goodness could be attained by strict discipline: avoiding evil things like  owning property, sexual desire and eating meat. To this day you may order dessert in any Parisian cafe  by shouting that phrase (citation needed.)

King Lois: "How do you know that that settles the Manichees?" Aquinas: " A little Birdy told me"

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Socrates?

April 13, 2011

Socrates

Philosopher, Father of Philosophy, Social Gadfly.

What makes Socrates so great? Were there not other philosophers before him? What is a philosopher? Did Socrates find truth?  If his self awareness of ignorance a particularly useful truth? Why is it when Socrates admits he is an idiot he is considered wise, but when I call him an idiot I am called a fool? Does his admission of his ignorance actually make him the wisest man? Does my admission of being unable to ice-skate make me the greatest hockey player?  If questioning things is your method wouldn’t you come up with some very pointed questions when told to drink poison ? Wouldn’t you poision someone who talked like this all the time?

I would

"Ohh good I am so very parched after pleading my case to the citizens of Athens." Grecian Facepalm

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Gottfried Leibniz

Are you having a bad day? I am sorry. Take heart, according to today’s honoree we live in the best possible universe. But don’t take too much heart because this man’s best possible universe involved a lot of differential and integral calculus.

Gottfried Leibniz is probably most famous for his rivalry with Sir Isaac Newton. They both invented calculus, at the time, people in the Newton camp were quite successful in accusing Leibniz of plagiarism, though modern mathematical historians believe that he did arrive at his conclusions independently. Leibniz also criticized Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation because he maintained that space was relative and not absolute, likewise everyone sided with Newton (until Einstein came on the scene.)  Also, Leibniz is better than Newton in that he has a delicious German butter cookie named after him  http://www.leibniz.de/spiele (Catch a Cookie and Knackfrische Abenteuer can be played without logging in.)  Leibniz also worked with binary code before it was cool, and made mechanical computation machines that could add subtract multiply and divide.

To celebrate Leibniz head to the international section of your local grocery store and pick up some delicious butter cookies. Avoid Fig Newtons: 1. they are not cookies they are fruit and cake, 2. They are not named after an inventor of Calculus, 3. They are not very good.

Do innkeeper's wives have naturally curly hair?"

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Classic WFGH April 1, 2009

Editor’s Note: 2009 was a different time, a better time, people on Facebook were posting random 25 things about themselves, and when they were not on Facebook they were watching The Hills on MTV.  So lets take a look back in time back when history was awesome.

White Fat Guy History Month!
“Because anyone can be a part of a minority if they just put their mind to it” 

April 1, 2009

St. Thomas Aquinas!
Philosopher, Theologian, Monk, Incredibly Fat.

Over the past few years, I have written much about good old St. Tom and how he achieved greatness without the modern conveniences of sandwiches or root beer. This year i would like to bring your attention to another modern day luxury that St. Tom managed to survive without.

Facebook!

That is right, St Thomas was never poked lovingly by a distant friend, never spent the day reading the 25’s of people he never met, He was never asked to play mafia wars or be a werewolf. Yet! In spite of this, he was able to prove the existence of God and become the foremost authority of Aristotelian philosophy. To honor this great man, we at WFGHM have taken the liberty of writing a facebook note for St. Thomas.

25 random things*
by St.Tom
Rules: Once you are tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag. You have to tag the person that tagged you

1. These facts are not really random as everything is the effect of some cause.
2. There must have been one primal cause an unmoved mover that started the series of cause an effect.
3. This unmoved mover is God, duh.
4. I ♥ Aristotle
5. I am a Dominican Monk!
6. My family wishes I was Benedictine, so they paid a prostitute to sneak into my room so i would break my vows.
7. I chased the whore away with a flaming stick!
8. Omg! I luve the Hills!! It is by far the best show on MTV for like ever! I wish I wish Lauren’s fashon line would come out sooner, like now.
9. I was called the “dumb ox” by my bff’s from colleges
10. I ain’t ‘tarded, I am just really fat and don’t talk much.
11. I was cannonized in 1323.
12.I was given the title Doctor of the Church by the Pope in 1567, (in your face Luke!, omg… jk 😉 )
13. Though I love Aristotle, I disagree with him and other modern Aristotileans in their assertion of an eternal earth that has always been. I have gotten a bad reputation with other philosophers and the leadership of the Catholic Church because of my assertion of a relatively young earth.
14. I died in my niece’s house, on the second floor.
15. i was so large at the time it took 6 burly men to carry me down the stairs.
16. i am single, but sorry grrls i am not looking.
17. I am Italian!
18. I wish I was a dragon, so I could fly and breathe fire.
19. I ♥ Jesus
20. I don’t know when my birthday is 😦
21. My Saints Day is Jauary 28th , send gifts! 🙂
22. I never finished my life’s work.
23. I got sick and depressed and tired of writing then my main man Gregory X wanted me  to come over and bring nachos. Never really got back into writing after that.
24. I am by far the coolest St. Thomas, A’ Beckett is a jerk.
25. My favorite color is yellow.

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April 1, 2010 : Saint Thomas Aquinas

Saint Thomas Aquinas

Philosopher, Theologian, Monk, Author, Fat guy.

St. Tom was the greatest philosopher ever.  Recently, smaller, less educated people are all big fans of Betrand Russell claiming he is better than St. Tom. But if you lay out the fact next to fact it is really quite evident that St. Tom wins.

Battle 1: Honorifics

Thomas Aquinas is a Saint. Russell was a Nobel laureate.   You have to die to be a Saint, you have to have your book translated into Norwegian to win a Nobel Prize in Literature. Advantage Tom!

Battle 2. Books: St. Tom wrote Suma Theologica. Rusell wrote   History of Western Philosophy and Its Connection with Political and Social Circumstances from the Earliest Times to the Present Day. Snappier title advantage Tom!

Battle 3. Diet. If egg and onion sandwiches existed in the dark ages  St.  Tom would eaten 5 a day with an ice-cold root beer. Russell lived in a modern utopia where egg an onion sandwiches abounded yet he ate them rarely, and probably didn’t even like Root beer. Advantage Tom!

Battle 4. Pascal’s wager. St. Thomas was a monk and proved the existence of God. Russell was Welsh and denied the existence of God.  St. Thomas Aquinas is probably in Heaven trying to persuade the “unmoved mover” to keep Hills on the air, and Russell is definitely not. Advantage Tom!

Battle 5. Nicknames.  St. Tom was called “The Ox” by his friends and rivals. Russell is known by pretty much every one as “Ol’ Pencil-necked Bertie”. Advantage The OX!

Battle 6.  Legacy. Russell died of the flu and the next day they published his last formal statement speaking out against Zionism. St. Tom got became very ill after an unfortunate donkey ride and died, the next day it took 6 strong men to carry his giant body down the stairs. Advantage Tom!

Obviously, St. Thomas Aquinas was a much better philosopher than Ol’ Pencil-necked Bertie.

To celebrate him enjoy an egg and onion sandwich.

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