Posted in Classic WFGH, Entertainers, Musicians, tagged crosby, detox, fat, guy, History, Melissa etheridge, nash, stills, the byrds, White, yellow, young on April 14, 2011| Leave a Comment »
A group for anyone who appreciates the achievements of White Fat Guys!
White Fat Guy History Month!
April 27!
David Crosby!
This rock and roll hall of fame members was in great bands such as Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, Crosby and Tennille and The Byrds. While presently still on tour he finds time to raise a family with his wife Melissa Etheridge.
To celebrate: teach your children white fat guy history well.
Posted in Classic WFGH, Entertainers, Musicians, tagged dinner, dinner for one. fight club, fat, freezer, guy, History, loaf, meat, meatloaf, stouffer's, White on April 12, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Today we honor Meat Loaf! The greatest Rocker ever!
That is right, Meat Loaf is amazing.
So in honor of Meat Loaf, head to your nearest Wilson Farms and buy a box of Stouffer’s meatloaf, then go home and legally download the album Bat Out of Hell. Put your meatloaf in the oven. Play the album repeatedly until this becomes the happiest day of your life, by this time your meatloaf should be done.
His name is Robert Paulson
The Stouffer’s Website like their products are good for any occasion.
Posted in Classic WFGH, Politicians, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Behind every good man, there is a great woman. But behind every great man, there is also a large White guy. Today we celebrate White Fat Guy Vice Presidents!
John Adams!
George Clinton!
Richard M. Johnson!
George Dallas!
Millard Fillmore!
Hannibal Hamlin!
Schuyler Colfax!
Chester A. Arthur!
Thomas Hendricks!
Adlai E. Stevenson!
Garret Hobart!
Theodore Roosevelt!
James S. Sherman!
Charles Curtis!
John Nance Garner!
Alben Barkley!
Gerald Ford!
Walter Mondale!
Dick Cheney!
Please note that both Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt both died in office after they went with a svelter Vice President. Coincidence? I think so!
Am I going to find a picture of each individual VP just to prove to you they are fat? No! Am i going to post an artist rendering of what a composit of all white fat Veeps would look like? Yes!
Al Gore is omitted because he was not a White Fat Guy while in office…keep up the depression-related binge eating Al, we may have a spot for you in 2009!
Also note, WFGH has yet to endorse a candidate for 2008. This is for a variety of reasons. 1. None of the Candidates really fit the White Fat Guy Body image. 2. No Candidate has pandered enough to the White Fat Guy Vote. 3. None of them share the same obscure political views as the creator of this group. So WFGH is withholding judgment until VP candidates are selected, hopefully someone will intelligently pick a WFG.
Here are a couple ways you can celebrate WFGHM today:
Write letters to the Offices of Hillary, Obama, and John demanding they select a White Fat Guy for Veep you can find their contact info at www.senate.gov ( don’t say anything you would mind the Secret Service hearing)
Or
Research one of the more obscure VP’s on the list, make a cake with his name on it and share the cake and your new found information with friends.
Or
Take a hot and refreshing Bubble Bath, it is been a long week you deserve it.
Posted in Classic WFGH, Musicians, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 9, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Assorted Bachs!
Johann Sebastian Bach!
Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach!
Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach!
Johann Christian Bach!
et al!
The Bach family is the only reason to listen to NPR and even that is not a very good reason. J. S. Bach sired and inspired many great composers and White Fat Guys. In fact, he had 20 children only seven survived infancy, the rest had less than perfect pitch.
Today learn how to tell the Bach family apart only by the sound of their music.
Posted in Classic WFGH, Politicians, tagged Bono, fat, guy, helms, History, Jesse, White, zoot suit on April 8, 2011| Leave a Comment »
April 2, 2009
Jesse Helms
Legislator, Dixiecrat, Newsman, probably not the wolfman.
Jesse Helms was the first Republican elected to Statewide office in North Carolina since the end of reconstruction. He served in the Senate for 30 years. In 2002 he hosted Bono in his office in D.C. to discuss the AIDS epidemic in Africa. While this did little to actually stop the AIDS epidemic, or improve Bono or Helms’ public image it did produce one of the great headlines of our decade, ” ‘Senator ‘No’ shows he is Pro-Bono”.* He died last summer after a long courageous battle with life, he was 86. Sadly, in spite of his best efforts, he never did manage to catch that “Wascally Wabbit”.
We he are at WFGH would like to apologize to the family of the late Senator Helms, as we may have been a little hasty in our obituary last July when we called him the wolfman. As it turns out, Michael J. Fox was not an actual werewolf but just pretending to be one in a popular 80’s movie. So when the Spin City star bit the Senator in 1992, he probably did not infect him with a virus that made him thirst for blood and howl at the moon. Also, in our defense, Greensboro Coroners Office did not make it explicitly clear whether or not he was killed by a Silver Bullet or had crazy dog teeth. And to our credit, Wolfmen may exist according to Yahoo answers. But to be safe, we are sorry.
*composed by Washington Correspondent Jack Wagner
To celebrate the late Senator and WFGHM today;
skip the numbers 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13 any time you count today just like Helms’ favorite musician.
and of course,
Just say no
Tomorrow we will continue to honor great White Fat Guys that have died since last April.
Trivia!
This man fathered the leading lady in Pink Panther 2 and the greatest fictional British defense lawyer.
(Answer on April 3rd{below})
For more on Senator Jesse Helms go to you local library and check out these books:
Here’s Where I Stand: A Memoir By Jesse Helms
Meet The Wolf Man by R. K. Renfield
Answer to the trivia is Thomas Mortimer
Posted in Classic WFGH, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »
April 8th,
Nikita Khrushchev
The Soviet Premier who coined the phrase, ” I am going to Disneyland.” Sadly this didn’t really catch on in his lifetime, because the American Government denied him access to Disneyland and he foolishly said it in Russian. Fortunately, his most famous disciple Phil Simms, translated it in to English in 1987 and has been a popular bon mot ever since.
In honor of Khrushchev, take off your shoes and bang them on the table. Also sing this song:
One fine day in May, the sun was on the sea
I went for a swim, I took along my bottle
Swam among the waves so very calm indeed
And green as all the grass that grows from Howth to Dalkey
Swam around Killiney Bay, lovely day
Down below I see a couple of hungry fishes
Then I went along my way, rounding the bay
I thought I’d better say a prayer for dear old daddy
Chorus:
Holy mo, me father loves Nikita Khrushchev
Holy moly me, he loves Nikita Khrushchev
Holy moly me!
Stood upon a rock and looked out on the sea
Sleeping like a baby long before he’s born
I felt the morning breeze so very sweet indeed
Like fishes in the night and seaweed in the morning
Took a towel and dried me back, lit up a fag
Watched the smoky blue go blowing out in the sunlight
Out beyond Killiney Bay, over the sea
I thought I’d better say a prayer for dear old daddy
Chorus
I am happy here, my bottle is in my hand
Half a quart of beer is all I really need
I whistled out today, today I never planned
Never knew that I could do without my brother
Or me sister or me aunt, bad as they are
Never knew that I could do without my mother
Threw my bathing suit away, those who have seen it
Once will never mind it, the others won’t recognize it
Chorus
Ran along the sand and jumped from rock to rock
Going to get a tan in places I never dreamed of
Anyone I meet will surely get a shock
Unless they’re doing the same as me this lovely evening
Turning cartwheels in the sand, over I go
Standing on my head and landing on my bottom
Such a lovely day today, happy I am
That I’ve got more to do than worry about my father
Chorus
Posted in Classic WFGH, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 4, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long Holly.
Motion picture actor, director, screenwriter and producer. He starred in what is universally held as the greatest motion picture of all time (if not greatest, than certainly in the top three) Transformers (1986).
He was at his best making complex, profound characters simple and accessible. He said of his portrayal Unicron, ” {I} play a a big toy who attacks a bunch of smaller toys.” With such a focused vision he was able to become this many-faceted anthropomorphic tank.
Today’s suggested celebration techniques:
1. Smashing Snow Globes
2. Convince North America we are suffering an alien invasion.
3. Pint of scotch and Two Steaks (rare)
Posted in Classic WFGH, Philosophers, St. Thomas Aquinas, Theologians, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 1, 2011| Leave a Comment »
Editor’s Note: 2009 was a different time, a better time, people on Facebook were posting random 25 things about themselves, and when they were not on Facebook they were watching The Hills on MTV. So lets take a look back in time back when history was awesome.
April 1, 2009
St. Thomas Aquinas!
Philosopher, Theologian, Monk, Incredibly Fat.
Over the past few years, I have written much about good old St. Tom and how he achieved greatness without the modern conveniences of sandwiches or root beer. This year i would like to bring your attention to another modern day luxury that St. Tom managed to survive without.
Facebook!
That is right, St Thomas was never poked lovingly by a distant friend, never spent the day reading the 25’s of people he never met, He was never asked to play mafia wars or be a werewolf. Yet! In spite of this, he was able to prove the existence of God and become the foremost authority of Aristotelian philosophy. To honor this great man, we at WFGHM have taken the liberty of writing a facebook note for St. Thomas.
25 random things*
by St.Tom
Rules: Once you are tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag. You have to tag the person that tagged you
1. These facts are not really random as everything is the effect of some cause.
2. There must have been one primal cause an unmoved mover that started the series of cause an effect.
3. This unmoved mover is God, duh.
4. I ♥ Aristotle
5. I am a Dominican Monk!
6. My family wishes I was Benedictine, so they paid a prostitute to sneak into my room so i would break my vows.
7. I chased the whore away with a flaming stick!
8. Omg! I luve the Hills!! It is by far the best show on MTV for like ever! I wish I wish Lauren’s fashon line would come out sooner, like now.
9. I was called the “dumb ox” by my bff’s from colleges
10. I ain’t ‘tarded, I am just really fat and don’t talk much.
11. I was cannonized in 1323.
12.I was given the title Doctor of the Church by the Pope in 1567, (in your face Luke!, omg… jk 😉 )
13. Though I love Aristotle, I disagree with him and other modern Aristotileans in their assertion of an eternal earth that has always been. I have gotten a bad reputation with other philosophers and the leadership of the Catholic Church because of my assertion of a relatively young earth.
14. I died in my niece’s house, on the second floor.
15. i was so large at the time it took 6 burly men to carry me down the stairs.
16. i am single, but sorry grrls i am not looking.
17. I am Italian!
18. I wish I was a dragon, so I could fly and breathe fire.
19. I ♥ Jesus
20. I don’t know when my birthday is 😦
21. My Saints Day is Jauary 28th , send gifts! 🙂
22. I never finished my life’s work.
23. I got sick and depressed and tired of writing then my main man Gregory X wanted me to come over and bring nachos. Never really got back into writing after that.
24. I am by far the coolest St. Thomas, A’ Beckett is a jerk.
25. My favorite color is yellow.
Posted in 2010, Scientists, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 16, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Neils Bohr
Nobel Prize Recipient, Great at physics and Horrible at Geopolitics, Great Dane
In 1913 he published his book on atomic theory which introduced the model of atomic structure where electons in set orbits revolve around a nucleus of protons and neutrons. This also includes the theory that electrons when dropping from higher orbits to lower orbits release a quantum of energy , this lead to modern quantum theory
He worked with the British on Tube Alloys and by extension the Manhattan Project in developing atomic weaponry. Where he often insisted that Soviet scientists be included on the findings of these projects, which lead to Winston Churchill (another wfg) considering him a security threat.
Element 113 on the periodic table is named for him. I named my stuffed plesiosaur after him.
Living most of his life in Copenhagen, he is the third most famous Dane, following Hamlet and Marmaduke
While his contributions to physics were innovative and the basis for modern physics. He held to the common fallacy that peace can be achieved by giving evil the means to destroy you.
Posted in 2010, Actors, Uncategorized, tagged fat, guy, History, White on April 10, 2010| Leave a Comment »
Tom Bosely
Actor, Spokesman
Bosley is well known for his role as the father on Happy Days. He went on to be the ineffective sheriff on Murder She Wrote, then played the titular crime solving priest in the Father Dowling Mysteries which was originally going to be based on The Father Brown Mysteries by (white fat guy) G.K. Chesterton but that was too sophisticated and expensive for ABC. He is also famous for his voice work often playing expressive fatherly figures. Tom Bosley also likes money, so he will sell you Glad Bags, Spam, Ant traps or “specialty merchandise”. While TV Land or Nick at Nite has stopped playing Happy Days, and the PAX network has stopped playing Father Dowling but you can still watch him in his Infomercials at 4 am on FOX.
White Fat Guy History 